The Right Stuff

You should never assume what a person’s desires are just from a few decisions he or she makes here or there. Many people think they know what I want when it comes to “Mr. Right,” but they really have no idea. So, here you go. It’s my “list.” I promised one of my best friends I would post this, even though it is wishful thinking for the most part. I’d say they are listed in “order of importance,” but they are all extremely important, in my opinion.

1.) Spirituality – After attempting to casually date a few non-Christians this year, I’m no longer budging on this, even if it’s short term. He has to be a Christian. I have developed a lot of great friendships with folks from other faiths, but when it comes to romance, it just doesn’t seem to work. Ever. And it’s more than just about raising kids in a certain spiritual environment. In my opinion, if my mate can’t truly appreciate or understand my spiritual side, then he will never really get to know the most important part of me. There’s much more to this, and I’ll elaborate later.

2.) Sense of Humor – If you’ve met me for longer than three minutes, you know that I laugh at just about everything. Dry humor, sarcasm, slapstick comedy. I giggle at just about everything or I burst into uncontrollable, screeching guffaws where I lose all sense of volume control. If my guy is too serious or too depressing, I get bored pretty easily. Must love laughter.

3.) Physical Features – I’m pretty wide open in this area, but I’ve always told myself that I want to be able to wake up next to someone and like how they look in that most vulnerable state. A lot of people will see who I have previously dated and think I like a certain “type”. This is absolutely and positively not true. I have been attracted to guys of all shapes, sizes and colors and always will. I also think people assume that because I’m fairly tall, I won’t date guys who are shorter than me. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been taller than a lot of people in general most of my life, I think that’s cutting my dating pool too small. (Ha!) As long as the guy is confident, I will date him. Height makes no difference. Lately, I’ve been leaning towards the slender, slightly muscled guys who are right at my height.

4.) Interests – Since I love randomly talking about movies and TV (even ones I don’t like or haven’t seen), it’d be great to meet a guy who had that kind of random useless pop culture knowledge. I think a lot of people are convinced I have to have a “geek” or someone who is really into video games and sci-fi stuff. That actually isn’t the case at all. I’d love to hang out with a guy who likes talking about cars, beer and sports. I like talking about those things too! I need that kind of diversity, and I love learning about new things, so bring on the unusual hobbies.

5.) Other Personality Traits – Sure, women tend to have more of an empathetic and sensitive nature, but it would be nice to meet a guy who is at least somewhat in touch with his emotions. No, I don’t want a crybaby, but I’d prefer that over someone who will watch you cry and not so much as blink an eye. (And yes, I know that rhymes.) A great listener is important, but having an intelligent conversation matters to me more. I love guys who show at least a little bit of chivalry, romance and small public displays of affection. But at the same time, I am pretty independent and need my space, even if we are in the same room. 

 Probably the biggest thing my guy would need is a patient spirit. I’m a handful…at times I’m flirtatious and like lavishing lots of attention on my guy and spend a lot of quality time with him, but I also am extremely busy and am always on the go. My guy would have to deal with that. And as most of you know, I decided back when I was 16 to remain abstinent until I was married. This is a primary reason why I feel like I have to have a Christian guy, because this started as a promise I made to God. As I’ve gotten older, I realize it’s also just a darn good practical idea for me. I wouldn’t have met half of the people I know now if I had slept with the first guy I thought I cared about. I’d more than likely be “barefoot and pregnant,” or probably a really depressed single Mom somewhere. I never push this philosophy on anyone, but I know this was the best decision I have made in my entire life.

Sadly, that has cut down my dating pool by about 80 to 90% because most guys are either put off by the idea of not having sex or scared of the word “marriage.” It sucks, because I am a really affectionate person, but I never want to come across as a “tease.” I’ve been called that many times, and it’s almost as hurtful as being told I act like a white girl. It has been a very difficult balance, and I’ve sadly compromised in some areas along the way. However, it’s a promise I don’t intend to break. I’d much rather remain a lonely, single virgin and just have lots of random, fruitless first dates than to ever break that promise just to keep the wrong guy around.

Any questions? Comments? I welcome them all!  🙂


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