How OkCupid Changed My Life….

Sadly, this is not a blog about meeting The One. I’ve only been on there a few weeks thanks to my friend Lindsey, but I have been very pleasantly surprised at the quality of people on there. Things have really changed since online dating began. I’ve come across profiles of several friends, so it’s nice to know I’m not a wierdo anymore.

And that’s where the life changing begins. The site allows you to create tests that are displayed on your profile. One of the most popular ones is the Enneagram test. I feel as though it takes the Meyers-Briggs personality test and takes it to a whole new level. It literally is just 2 questions, but it has revealed to me so much about my personality that I have been struggling with. For more on these nine different personality types, go to

For a moment, it feels almost like astrology – that when you read all of the personality types and you can see how you could fit into all of them. That made me a little skeptical, but it was interesting that they call it a spectrum because, like the color spectrum, one of the nine traits is like a color hue that shines brightly out of all the rest. As I took the test and read more about my personality (I’m a 4, “The Original/Unique/Sensitive Person”), I actually felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Here are some of the key points that I’ve learned about myself and hope that it gives you a bigger understanding as to who I am. I also encourage you to take the test and let me know if the results were as powerful for you as they were for me.

1) I value originality and beauty. What I love about myself and other people is that they are each unique and possess qualities that only they themselves have. One great phrase I loved is that I make the ordinary extraordinary (sometimes to my detriment) and the extraordinary ordinary. Other adjectives used to describe me were classy, refined and precious, which has its good and bad traits. I think this is one reason why I have such a diverse group of friends.

2) My biggest fear is my fear of rejection or abandonment. It actually pointed out that this can be triggered in childhood after a divorce. I was totally floored. I recognized a long time ago that was my biggest fear, but it was amazing to have it clearly pointed out to me. I am extremely sensitive and keenly attuned to my own flaws. I know myself very well, and if someone sees these flaws, I am disappointed to such an extreme level that I hide away. I loved one of the terms, “an aristocrat in exile.” That is exactly how I feel a great deal of the time.

3) To overcompensate for being rejected, I try to do everything I can to be special – the one trait that kept being mentioned is that I live to make an impression on others so that I am unforgettable. I also tend to leave situations before I even have a chance to be rejected (like quitting before I get fired from a job!). It said that I analyze every single fleck of possible rejection from a person. Every movement, every word, every slight I can perceive as being abandoned or overlooked. I avoid rejection at all costs.

4) Because I see myself as unique, I also am riddled with envy. I absolutely do not want to be like everybody else, but at the same time, I see my uniqueness as flaws. I covet what others seem to attain so easily. Because I’m so aware and sensitive about the feelings of pain and suffering, I feel as though everyone else reacts better than I do to situations. One idea I loved from the Spectrum site is that I am keenly aware of every single flaw I have, and yet I see every single perfection in others. I will never be good enough because I’m tragically flawed. Wow. I mean, this is spot on. I fall into a hole of depression and suffering, whereas others move on with their lives.

5) I crave extremes. Being static is simply unacceptable. I hate being bored and always crave for the next exciting moment (even if it’s a low moment). I think this explains my varied career history. Also, what shouted at me with the OkCupid test is that it actually said something I have told others almost verbatim: “Don’t say I’m being overly sensitive or that I’m overreacting.” I consider that a personal attack to my sensibilities.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted – as my 4-ness dictates, I have been on what I consider a deep, personal, struggle. Now it seems I need to focus on being ordinary and using my sensitivity to appreciate the good things in life.


9 thoughts on “How OkCupid Changed My Life….

  1. I've been there too, to OkCupid, but I doubt anyone finds true love there to be honest. Even after answering dozens of questions, the matches you get are still… well, silly really. Anyway… I like what you're writing about yourself. It's good to value oneself, but not to be blind to one's own faults as well. People seldom have a good balance between the two, with one side of that equation always weighing heavier than the other… hell, I'm not even sure I have a good balance between the two and I've been working at it for years now. 😉 Oh well… belated welcome to Blogger. I'm now signing up for Webs as well. Let's see if I can make a proper site there. I lost soooo much when Yahoo! just deleted my Geocities site. Apparently they had a tool in place for downloading the site content, but from what I can tell, it must have only been there for a short time and I never even saw it… such a pity.

  2. It seems like lately it starts out really great, but in the end, I think the guys just want someone to flirt with or maybe talk to when they are feeling frisky and that's about it. And that's not what I want. :)I did find out that "4s" are the most self-aware, which can be a great thing!Thanks for posting and coming to find me. I'm glad you are going to Webs. It is not very complicated, but it is stable!

  3. I was just told it's possible to 'downgrade' to just html, but… I won't be able to use the site builder any more… oh noes! 😉 I think I might give that a shot soon. My html skills may not be able to produce some of the more flashy things CSS and Flash can, but I can customise it exactly as I like and I'm confident I can whip up an original sort of website before all too long. Provided of course I manage to find the combo of time, desire and free space to do so, which, lately, has become a very scarce commodity I fear. It's either I am swamped in things that need to get done, I can't be bothered to undertake creative things or either Tristan or Sabrina needs something from me… between all that, it's rather hard to find the opportunity to actually do things any more… God I miss those creative days in my twenties when I could really just spend weeks on end on projects without interruption. These days, I'm lucky to get half a day somewhere… Oh yeah… what's 4s? I meant to ask that. Is it a personality type or something? It's been quite a while since I've been to Okcupid… maybe they changed something. Thanks for your comments as well. I should probably point out Sabrina is not my wife but my girlfriend… and even that's tenuous at best… :o/At any rate… nice to hook up online again.

  4. Yes, I put a link in the second paragraph to the test I took. I found out I was a 4 and it was just a huge experience to realize I wasn't a complete wierdo. 🙂 Good to see you too! (And I'm sorry for assuming she was your wife.)

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