On Long Distance Dating

2 Jan

Here is a blog for those who are in love…whether near or far.

For many years, I was completely against it. I figured that depression would sink in, and I would retreat from everything and everyone I love here at home. And truthfully, that has happened somewhat. Last year, I spent a lot of time at home trying to be with my Mom and only go out on weekends (if that). Now I stay in every night just to text or talk to my boyfriend as frequently as possible. I see now why it’s not for everyone.

My boyfriend and I are just a couple of states away, but we have completely opposite work schedules that keep us apart very frequently. We’ve gotten to visit each other very often these past few months, but those visits will become more and more infrequent as things get busier for me, and he has to regain earned leave.

Tonight, I’m writing this from his computer, the night before I leave…it will be another two weeks before I see him again. Even then, it will only be for a couple of days. After that, the only thing we have “planned” is a vacation for his birthday in April. I think this is my blog to cope with the feelings I’m experiencing right now: joy for the opportunities I have had to spend with the man I feel I’m going to marry and his brother, and immense sadness knowing that I have to go back to the post-holiday grind without him. For moments, it almost seems too much to bear. I never thought it would happen, but most things in life seem painfully dull without him next to me. Grocery shopping, playing games, going out to eat, doing laundry (yes, I did that while I was here. 🙂 ) Why bother doing them without him?

So for those who must cope with being away from a loved one, or when you just miss your significant other for a short time, I offer these tips I’ve gleaned (and actually tried) from information about long-distance dating:

1) If your sweetheart is up for it, communicate with him or her as frequently as possible. The little things that you may ordinarily share with your sweetie in person, do them by phone. We text each other pictures of what we’ve had for lunch, or talk about the completely boring things going on in our lives, because it helps us stay connected.

2) Find something (anything!) to occupy your time while you are apart. I’ll be taking classes (hopefully) next week and becoming more involved in the woman’s club I’m in…he’ll be gaming with his brother, working and spending time with other friends. Try as desperately as you can not to skip out on activities with yourself or with others. The key thing is to maintain somewhat of a normal life…the life you had without that person. Pulling away from those things and those people will make your life seem out of whack. That on top of the sadness you feel from missing your honey will only exacerbate the sadness.

3) Make alone time as simple and as drama-free as possible. You know what it’s like to date someone in town or someone you get to see frequently. Dates consist of hanging around the house, going out to eat or have a drink, maybe taking in a sports game or a movie. Pretty average stuff.

Because I’m such a travel buff, I began entering in the mindset of always have something “to do” with him while he’s visiting my town or I’m visiting him. It doesn’t (and probably shouldn’t) be that way. You are already at a disadvantage, because you don’t get to see each other very often, so being with that person needs to be as intimate as possible. And I don’t just mean hanky-panky. You will have to work harder to get to know and enjoy that person, especially if you are considering something long term. So having a whirlwind itinerary planned may not be a good idea all the time. The idea is to spend quality time with that person, however mundane. Those are the memories you hold on to when you get lonely.

I’m really hoping that the mixed emotions I’m feeling right now will help someone else. 🙂

The more times I see him, the distance between my complete sadness in missing him, and the utter appreciation for our time together, seems to finally be closing in. Our great memories aren’t always out and about. We spend so much time looking at each other, holding each other and taking in all of the features and qualities about that person we won’t get to experience for a while. And we talk about our future when we are together, and the idea doesn’t seem like a pipe dream anymore. We are supporting each other as a means to an end – to never be apart.

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2 Responses to “On Long Distance Dating”

  1. Anonymous January 2, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    That is awesome. I really believe in being connected and quality time. Not quantity but quality. A very good write and expression of you emotions. Love, Mom

  2. online dating london January 6, 2012 at 4:23 am #

    Your advise here is very sensible and easy to follow and just great! You obviously have skills in the writing department and a very cool head on your sholders, have you thought about giving dating advise as a profession? What you are saying about maintaining the connection between two people makes sense, even people who live in the same house can drift apart and feel very disconnected, the advise you give is great for any relationship, even with family members.

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