I’m getting married in less than a week, and I figured it’s time for one more bachelorette post and some encouragement for those who are married or hope to be some day.
Sure, I’m Having my Doubts
I feel like I keep saying this over and over again, but I think I’m mostly saying this to myself: Am I really about to be married? Am I really going to become a Mrs.? Is the possibility of having children with a wonderful man finally happening? Am I really going to have someone by my side and love me for the rest of my life?
A lot of questions, I know. The question mark implies doubt, and I guess there is still some there. Mostly because I don’t have a lot of faith in myself that I can make a relationship work. That seems really unfortunate to even say that, but it’s true. I always compare my future on past successes or failures. And romantic relationships have been a source of failure in my life.
Perfectionism Is A Dream Killer
Lately, I’ve had another personal failure happen that just shook me to the core. So I’ve been hating the word “failure”, because it implies that the damage is irreparable, when really it’s just another opportunity to try for success.
I think that’s how I’m going to approach my marriage. My mind is still wired to be a perfectionist: everything has to be exactly in its place, and if it’s not, then there has to be a plan or a resolution to fix it. It sucks, because I’m a disorganized person by nature, so I’m constantly berating myself for my piles of junk or lack of cleaning motivation. I really can’t afford to expect perfection in my marriage. It just won’t happen.
Though it became one of the most overplayed songs ever, “She Will Be Loved” by my favorite band, Maroon 5 contains a really simple but powerful lyric.
“It’s not always rainbows and butterflies / It’s compromise that moves us along”
I always be sure to stop and sing that lyric when I hear that song. Just so it is ingrained in my memory. Marriage isn’t always easy. Marriage is work. So many people have said it better than I can. I’ve heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of blogs that talk about how being in a relationship means having to work every day to love someone unconditionally.
Clocking In & Putting In 110%
What’s great about my fiance is that he is absolutely fabulous at that. At least once a day, he asks, “You know you’re awesome, right?” or “Thanks for being awesome.” We are fortunate enough to have similar love languages – mine is words of affirmation, and that is high up for him, but physical touch is his main language. Physical touch has never been as important to me, but since it’s important to him, I try to do that every day. I give him hugs or backrubs constantly.
And I think that will be the key to having a successful relationship. It’s what I’ve been told so many times but never really understood until now:
Being in a marriage is having a full-time job. It’s always putting in the effort every day to give and receive love. It’s not always easy, but the rewards are so huge, it is worth it.