How to Sweat the Small Stuff in Your Marriage

13 Apr

sweat the small stuff marriage tip

6:45 a.m.

That is the time my husband decided to come to bed after staying up playing a computer game.

He’s done this before, much to my consternation and nagging. There have been times I’ve gotten so upset about it, I cried and couldn’t speak to him. It seems silly now, but as a newlywed, I have difficulty sleeping without him next to me, and I hate how it interrupts his sleep cycle.

I also don’t like him driving after staying up all night.

I also think this is one of those residual bachelor habits he refuses to give up.

So many logical reasons for him to come to bed at a decent hour.

But tomorrow is his birthday. I’m allowing it, because I know it’s a special day for him, and he doesn’t get a chance to play games a lot with his brother.

Lately, I’ve noticed my wifely duties have strayed more into motherly ones. Indeed, it’s a wife’s not-so-inside joke that taking care of your husband is practice for motherhood. Sometimes it’s hard describing things I do for him without it sounding like I’m referring to my child.

Oh, for instance, like the sentence, “I’m allowing it, because I know it’s a special day for him, and he doesn’t get a chance to play games a lot with his brother.”

*grins a smidge*

The problem with getting upset over that and other things such as being the primary person to cook and clean (even though I suck at both), is that it tends to skew my view of our marriage as something of a chore and not a relationship.

Yes, marriage is hard. Marriage is work. But I read a great blog recently on the importance of making an effort to focus on the positive.

It was tough not making this blog a rant. Like, really tough. But here are the takeaways:

1) No matter how much you gripe and nag, there will be things you cannot do to change your husband’s habits or desires. This has been said so many times, but I don’t think it sinks in enough.

2) Yes, the things that attracted you to your mate may be annoying now. I love the fact my husband’s a gamer, but it does get in the way of everyday life sometimes. But if you really give it some thought, take away those annoyances and one day you will start to miss them.

A little.

So, yes, even though he is snoring loudly in the next room after a night of gaming, as soon as I wake him, he will be sleepily ready for a good afternoon kiss. (Yep, anticipating a late start to the day, obviously.)

I will get to celebrate his birthday later today with our parents and friends. Giggle. Reminisce. Be playful. Just like newlyweds do.

And for those moments, I will always be grateful.

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10 Responses to “How to Sweat the Small Stuff in Your Marriage”

  1. Nan April 15, 2013 at 1:31 pm #

    What a lovely birthday gift to give your husband! And I love your attitude. Yes, marriage is work, especially that first year. My husband and I fought like cats and dogs that first year as we learned to adjust to one another, and it seems like people just don’t tell you that.

    Once we were sitting around with five other couples and all talking about that first year of marriage, and every single couple admitted that theirs was rough, lol!

    My husband is a pastor and when he does pre-marital counseling he tells the couples some of the things that you just blogged about. Such as you’re not going to be able to change him, so you’d better learn to accept the things that you don’t like right now or…..don’t marry him!

    Now, on the other hand, people DO change but it’s because they lean into God and getting closer to Him softens them and changes them (and us), but we can’t make them do it.

    • Nan April 15, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      Anyway, loved your post and have a lovely day! I’d love for you to share it today on my “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party if you’d care to join us. If not, that’s fine too! 🙂

      • Willi April 15, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

        Thanks Nan for both comments! I’d be happy to stop by your party. I was just sitting down and praying for him and our relationship. We are so fortunate to have each other and we remind ourselves of it every day.

      • Nan April 16, 2013 at 9:23 pm #

        I’m so excited that you joined us, thank you so much!!! 🙂

  2. Joan April 16, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    Nice post! I am also a newlywed – and funny enough a had a similar conversation about this with my husband last night. He waits until the last minute to do everything!, For instance I had been asking him about his tax documents forever so we could do our taxes. He finally brings them home last night (yes the day they are due) and we hit submit at 11:59pm.This of course was followed by this long conversation (no it was more of a scolding) about him waiting until the last minute to do everything blah blah blah. He insisted he is going to change. I pause for a moment, looked at him and told him no he’s not.

    I told him that I realize that despite my nagging, this is just one habit he’s not going to shake, so its up to me to accept and complement him in that area (otherwise I’ll drive him and myself crazy nagging about it every time it happens). Therefore instead of expecting him to suddenly do things ahead of time, from this day forward I’ve accepted that it’s not a habit of his and thus I’ll just take it upon myself to make sure things like completing our taxes on time are taken care of in advance. (he seemed a bit stunned lol )

    • Willi April 16, 2013 at 12:58 pm #

      Hi Joan! Thanks for commenting. YES you need to focus on the positive. Why? My husband doesn’t even know how to do taxes! LOL Me and his mother had to work on them. And since I moved, I had to file in two states and we had to check to see if married filing jointly or separately would work. Took FOREVER.

      He makes up for this by showing me his 40lK stuff and teaching me about mine. 🙂

  3. Fawn Weaver April 17, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

    Love your heart in this post, Willi! It didn’t sound like a rant but rather someone who is looking for answers to a challenge and searching internally. Focusing on what is good, what is noble, what is lovely…what is positive. That’s the name of the game because when you focus on those things, you’ll realize, your marriage will become those things. I can’t explain why or how that happens, I only know that it does. Hope your hubby had an awesome birthday!

    • Willi April 17, 2013 at 6:15 pm #

      Hi Fawn! So nice to see folks from Happy Wives Club stop by. Thanks for taking the time to do that! And for the encouragement that it didn’t sound rant-y. 🙂

      My husband had an awesome birthday weekend and actually really liked this post. 🙂

  4. Ginny May 15, 2013 at 2:42 pm #

    oh girl, you and i need to talk 🙂 Mike and my first 3.5 years together were pretty rough. gaming was a huge issue for us. when we got married, i had no idea that there were people who sat and played games on their pcs for hours on end (even days on end). it was tough getting used to and it was tough for him to get his priorities in line. he had to figure it out for himself and i had to make sure that my attitude was right. great post. again, we need to talk 🙂

    • Willi May 15, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

      Hey Ginny!! Yes, we definitely need to talk. Gaming is essentially his life. In fact, he’s been playing with his brother for several hours now. I think he recognizes now that his #1 priority is me. But he doesn’t have any other interests in his life.

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