Five Things – #MyMightyMonth

5 Jan

Today’s #MyMightyMonth prompt is to write down five things that you’re proud of and five things you aren’t proud of.

Five things I’m proud of:

1) My ability to dig for a silver lining, even when it’s so dismal, I can’t even make out a cloud. Some days are easier than others. I think that ability is much easier for me to see in others than in myself. (But isn’t that always the way?)

2) That I can laugh at almost everything, even the inappropriate things. But, I still have a sense of decorum. Usually. Most of the time. Because sometimes laughter is all you have.

3) The tendency to be so emotionally sensitive, it boggles me why more people aren’t as open as I am. The fact that people can’t just tell me what’s going on or how they feel is frustrating and weird, but makes me more empathetic.

4) That I was able to take advantage of my extra-long single-hood by traveling and doing the things I wanted to do alone before I tied the knot. What a lovely thing to have had in my life for so long.

5) Even on days where I don’t feel like writing, a prompt can get me going for even a few minutes. Because writing is life. Writing is slowly pulling out all of the thoughts and weirdness in my head. Imagine my brain is a pizza and these thoughts are the gooey, never-ending mozzarella for everyone to enjoy.

Five things I’m not proud of:

1) My inability to separate who I am from the things I do, earn or achieve. As a Christian, this is practically blasphemous, because the basis of my faith is accepting undeserved grace.

2) My failings in my life – jobs, relationships – some of which I haven’t fully recovered. I set aflame to most of those bridges quicker than Godzilla on a really bad day. (I could have made a Sherman-in-the-South joke, but my hometown was one of his captures. Plus I’d prefer to talk geeky than about one of the most horrible wars in mankind’s history.)

3) Self-sabotage – If I was paid to have this skill, I’d be one of the richest people in the world. I have a keen ability to take something wonderful in my life and twist and distort it into something unrecognizable.

4) Not taking action on the boundless resources I have to better myself. I could be less anxious, less depressed, less stressed and more productive. But the anxiety and depression itself are so powerful, it crowds out everything else. It’s as though I’m ignorant on how to help myself, because all of that knowledge is snuffed out by more powerful forces in my brain.

5) That I haven’t taken care of myself in the simplest of ways. You should never need a to-do list to tell you to brush your teeth, but I do. I’m surprised I haven’t created a to-do that says, “Keep on living.” Sometimes my brain sucks.

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